The WNBA season is in danger of being cancelled due to a disagreement between the WNBA's players union and the NBA. The players want more money and free agent rights. And the NBA doesn't want to give it to them.
Unfortunately, the only people who are paying attention to this are the players, the NBA, the National Organization of pissed off Women and Martha Burk. And, since the WNBA is doomed to failure I thought that I would offer some women's workshops for life after the WNBA. So, here are the workshops that I am offering…
Sports
after the WNBA: Teaches former women's basketball players the correct
way to serve beer and snacks during real sporting events. Special
Emphasis: The proper ways of addressing your man and his friends and
how to chill mugs and serve beer.
Course requirements: Must supply your own high heels, cut off shorts and half
T-shirts.
Coping
with life after the WNBA: Teaches former women's basketball players
the importance of staying fit and trim. Special emphasis:
Put down the cupcake and step away.
Course requirements: Thigh master, apron and oven mitts.
How
to clean house: Teaches former women's basketball players the proper
ways to dust, vacuum and tile cleaning. Special emphasis:
Looking good and not complaining while cleaning.
Course requirements: French maid's uniform, feather duster, fishnet stockings
and high heels. Easy off will be supplied as will Windex and tile cleaner.
Things
to do with your mouth besides talking: Teaches women the proper
ways to give oral sex. Teaches the proper respect for semen and tongue technique.
Special emphasis: Swallowing and deep-throating-
it's good for your soul.
Course requirements: Barf bag and several fresh cucumbers.
Staying
flexible: This course teaches several yoga techniques on how to
remain flexible even though you are no longer considered an "athlete".
Special Emphasis: Women's sports are an oxymoron.
Course requirements: Leotard
Just
accept it, you're going to do it anyhow: Teaches former women basketball
players how to cope with the various nasty things that their men will make
them do. Teaches them not to complain or whine about it since they will eventually
do these things anyhow. Special emphasis: Ass
to mouth, it's not just for porn, anymore.
Course requirements: Understanding of their place as secondary to men.
Women's
rights activists are the Devil: Teaches the truth about NOW and
groups like them as an evil attack on society by Satan's minions. Special
Emphasis: Martha Burke, one of the three stooges of the apocalypse.
Course requirements: A dart board.
So, let it never be said
that I don't try to help. All courses are free and I am not asking for donations.
I am doing this out of the goodness of my heart. So, come one and all to my
After the WNBA Workshops.