25 Ultimate Truths, According to Bastard…
- Someone getting killed while doing something stupid is always funny.
- When your finger goes through the toilet paper, while you wipe, you will always smell it.
- If a friend breaks an arm you will do something to make him flinch.
- You will laugh until you hurt after making him flinch.
- You will always smell your finger after putting it in your naval.
- Toenails make the best chewables.
- Your own farts smell the best.
- Every woman will suffer the smell of her boyfriend's farts from under the covers, at least, once in her life.
- Every really hot woman is dating the world's ugliest man.
- It sucks taking sick days when you are really sick.
- That guy driving in front of you is an idiot.
- Clowns aren't funny, but clown midgets are hilarious.
- Mimes think inside the box.
- Taxicab drivers can never speak your language.
- After taking off your shoes and socks you will always pick at your toes.
- It's okay to pick your own nose, but it's disgusting when other people pick their nose.
- The better a woman has it, the more she will complain.
- Butt jokes are always funny.
- Stupid people think that they are smart.
- The better a woman's ass is, the more she hates it.
- No matter how idiot proof something is, an idiot will fuck it up.
- Women will answer every relationship compatibility test in any magazine that they find, regardless of how stupid it is.
- Women love self-help books, even though they don't do any of the things the book tells them to do for more than a week.
- Parents who name their child "Jr." lack imagination.
- Mimes are more entertaining
dead than alive.