Roller
Coaster of Death
The other day , a 55 year old man fell out of a roller coaster at Six Flags in Agawam Massachusetts. At a nearby hospital he was pronounced dead.
The news media reported that the Superman Ride of Steel roller coaster was approaching the end of its run when the man fell out of it and plummeted to his death. This occurred despite the fact that the coaster was inspected earlier in the day and certified as safe.
It is my contention that, in order to fall out of a roller coaster seat, you have to be some kind of special idiot. And, even if you are a special kind of idiot, you have to have a sort of idiot savant at idiocy in order to fall out of a roller coaster.
Every roller coaster that I have been on has a particularly uncomfortable harness that ensures that you cannot fall out. These things have big assed metal harnesses that come down over your shoulders and nestle, ever so cozily, in your crotch area.
I can't even ride most roller coasters because, at 6'4", they crush my manly shoulders down into my lap and squeeze my delicate hangy down parts like a pair of pissed off vice grips.
So, either this guy was a complete and utter incompetent, or he was committing suicide. And, that is not out of the question, either. After all, the news media reported that the roller coaster was " approaching the end of its run when the man fell out". Maybe that was his version of a poetic way to go…as the coaster was approaching the end of its run, so was he.
A good clue that it was actually a suicide and not just blatant stupidity was that the guy is from a place named "Agawam". What the hell kind of name for a city is "Agawam", anyway? If I lived in Agawam I would probably want to kill myself, too. Maybe that guy got so tired of telling people "Yeah, the city I live in is called Agawam." that he just decided to end it.
Agawam, where people go to die.
