Road Map to a Piece
So, George W Bush, in conjunction with the Israeli and Palestinian Prime Ministers is trying to push through a "roadmap to peace".
Many of the Palestinians have denounced the new Prime Minister saying that they follow Arafat and that they always will. The terror organization Hamas has vowed not to end its actions until Israel is pushed to the sea.
Still, there is hope for eventual peace in the Middle East. Several countries are supporting the whole idea. Sharon, Israel's Prime Minister has even talked of removing some of the Jewish settlements in the occupied territories. It would appear that he, truly, wants to find peace along side Israel's neighbors.
Since I am a citizen of the world, I thought that I would make my own offerings for peace. And so, I present to you, my fellow peace lovers, my "Roadmap to Peace".
Obviously, both sides will have specific responsibilities. I have divided the roadmap into two sections. The first one details the responsibilities of the Palestinians and the second one details the responsibilities of the Israelis.
Palestinian Responsibilities:
1. Stop blowing yourselves up and killing the Israelis: It's messy and rude. No one likes rude, messy barbarians. Especially, when they just killed their friends and relatives.
2. Stop blaming the Jews for your problems: Remember that guy who got his dick cut off by his wife 'cause he beat her? You're that guy! Stop beating your wife and maybe your dick will be sewn back on.
3. Kill Yasser Arafat: He is just too ugly to live. With a mug like that it is no wonder he is a terrorist. There are no other jobs out there for a guy that ugly.
4. Pull your heads out of your asses: I would be pissed too if my head was that far up my ass. Its uncomfortable and it smells bad.
5. Stop acting like barbarians: If you want to form your own country you need to be civilized. Otherwise you will continue to be the butt of jokes throughout the Arab world.
6. Stop kidding yourselves: You are the butt of jokes in the Arab world. Really, there is a book of Palestinian jokes. I can't read it but one of my Arab friends read it to me. Shit it was funny.
Israel's Responsibilities:
1. Kill Yasser Arafat: The Palestinians may try to kill him but they will miss. You can't take aim when you're smelling your own farts.
2. Tell the UN to fuck off: Everyone knows that the UN is a joke. Besides, France is a member. In fact they are the biggest "member".
3. Drop Hustler magazines all over the Palestinian territory: Shit, the thought of the looks on their faces just cracks me up!
4. Declare war on France: Accept their immediate surrender and relocate your country away from all that stinking sand. Keep only the pretty French women as slave girls and deport the rest.
5. Have sex with all the pretty French slave girls: What else are you going to do with them?
And there you have it. The road map to peace, according to Bastard. Learn
it. Live it. Love it.