Religion: Not really the opium of the masses.
Several times a year I hear someone quote Karl Marx’s most famous line “religion is the opium of the masses”. And every time I hear it I want to puke on the asshole that says it.
Frankly, opium is a very poor comparison. Consider that opium and its friends have a mellowing affect and consider that they are used to deaden pain. I really find it a terrible comparison.
A more accurate comparison would be…religion is two drunken hillbillies in a bar in Harlem. After all when was the last time you saw someone get mellow when talking about religion? Never! People turn into complete assholes when you talk about it.
To illustrate my point I thought I would paraphrase conversations that have taken place during the brief history of mankind…
Conversation in ancient Rome:
Roman: Hi, I am Roman
Christian: Hi, I am a Christian.
Roman: You would make great lion food.
Jew: Hi I am Jewish, do you want to buy a sundial?
Conversation
in 1096 CE
Englishman: Hi I am a Catholic, would you like some brandy?
Syrian and Turk: Hi, we are Muslims and cannot drink of fermented grains.
Englishmen: Barbarian prig! Death to you and your barbarian hoards!
Jew: Hi, I am Jewish, would you like to by an hourglass?
Conversation in Spain around 1498
Catholic Priest: Hi I am a Catholic priest, would you like
to join our church?
Muslim: Um, no thanks.
Jew: Me neither, ya’ll have that ugly foreskin thing going on. Want
to buy a watch?
Protestant: Um, no, we don’t much like Catholicism.
Catholic priest: Ok, now that I have tortured you, want to join our church?
Conversation in 1940 Germany
Hitler: Hi, I am Adolph
Jew: Hi, I am Jewish, want to buy a watch?
Hitler: Not really, maybe you would like to buy a shower or an oven?
Conversation today:
Jerry Falwell: You faggots are going to go to hell with those
Muslim heathens.
Louis Farakan: All them white folks and Jewish devils are evil and should
be killed.
Catholic Priest: How young is the boy?
KKK Grand Dragon: Kill all them Jews and nigras. Say, sis, you look perty.
Jew: It’s a lovely watch, would you like to buy it?
These are all very well documented conversations that you can find in any history book. And, as you can see, religion has been anything but calming. Someone is always getting into a fight over it. And just about the only group who hasn’t gone on some killing spree have been the Jews. Not to say that Jews aren’t tough. Those poor bastards have dealt with more persecution than any group of people on the freakin planet and they keep on trucking. And they are great businessmen to boot.
So, the next time someone says that religion is the opium of the masses you should beat some sense into them with a heavy object while giving them a brief history lesson on why it isn’t and opiate.
Disclaimer:
Bastard reserves
the right to offend anyone he chooses. Bastard is not now nor has he ever
claimed to be politically correct. Bastard claims the right to make fun of
anyone or anything that he wants to. Bastard will probably make fun of you
some day. Bastard is always right. Should you become offended by anything
that Bastard has written you didn’t get the gist, which means that you
are stupid. Bastard loves stupid people because they are easy to make fun
of. Bastard has to go now.