Howard Dean's End - A Pictorial Essay
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In a brilliant display of technical thinking and original know how, the Dean campaign got off to a stunning start, raising a massive and record setting 41 million dollars in campaign contributions. |
| With amazing speed and accuracy, the Dean campaign began a strafing run that left all of the other Democratic hopefuls behind. By targetting the fears and hopes of Democrats he seemed to be on the verge of unprecedented popularity, early in the race. |  |
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The other Democratic presidential hopefuls could only watch in horror as Howard Deans campaign took full flight. They could only watch and wait, choking the exhaust fumes of his campaign which seemed certain to steamroll all comers as it past them by. |
| However, just as Dean's campaign seemed certain to be the destruction of all other Democratic hopefuls, it became evident that something was wrong with the engine. It seemed to talk way too much, uttering inane sentences made Dan Quayle seem like Plato. |  |
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Eventually, after spending like a drunken sailor in a whore house, Howard Dean fires his campaign manager. Joe Trippi's epitaph is his is that "…no one that can change the fact that by using the Internet to create a grassroots network across the country, we raised more money in small donors than any Democratic campaign in history." Quietly, Guiness proudly welcomes Howard Dean into its hallowed record book for spending more money, faster than any Democratic campaign in history, as well. |
| Nearly out of money and filled with sound bites that would make David Duke cringe, the Dean campaign made a last ditch effort to refuel Fortunately, contributors were still putting money into this dying quayle. The engine was still sputtering with life, thanks in part, ironically, to Joe Trippi, who had gotten the Dean campaign off the ground with his internet savvy. |  |
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Sadly, in Wisconsin, the final straw was placed upon the camels back. Howard Dean, despite all of the money and all of the hype, had lost his last primary. And then, from somewhere, deep within the Mylanta laden halls, louder even than than famed "Dean Scream" a scream was heard... EJECT! EJECT! EJECT! And the Howard Dean campaign was no more. |
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As I sit here, writing this essay, I am left to wonder where we will find another who will give us such marvelously thought out comments as: "I still want to be the candidate for guys with Confederate flags in their pickup trucks." and "I've waffled before. I'll waffle again.". Will we ever find another so uniquely gifted in idiocy? I pray that, someday, we will. It was a fun ride, wasn't it? |
