Thursday, May 16, 2002

Things my Grammar taught me when I was a kid...

"Alot" is not a word it is 2 words. Try using "a lot".

"Scarey" is not a word. However, "scary" is a word.

"Spitting Image" is the morons way of saying "spit and image".

"Irregardless" is redundant and stupid. So are you if you use it.

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall" is incorrect and stupid. The correct phrase is "the bigger they are, the harder they fell". It's a logging term. Look it up.

"Reiterate" is redundant and stupid - de ja vu? -
Try "iterate" instead.

"Effect" and "affect" mean different things - look them up.

"Their", "they're" and "there" mean different things, look them up. While you're at it look up "your" and "you're".

There is no such thing as a "hypostrophe".

"Hairey" is not a word. People, stop putting an "e" where there need not be one. "Y" is a vowel sometimes. Remember?

Now, I'm off to my aunt farm...

Friday, May 17, 2002

The Bunny Factor

A common insult that is used today is "Nimrod".

This is rather amusing to me. Nimrod is the son of Kush. Also, the word nimrod means "great hunter" and sometimes is used in place of the word hunter.

During Bugs Bunnys days as a box office champ he used the term in describing Elmer Fudd. Since then, with the breakdown of language, it has gained a place in modern day language as an insult. Where, oh, where would we be if people actually learned the meaning of words before they used them?

So, the next time that you decide to call someone a nimrod, you should be aware that it is not really an insult but, rather, a compliment.

 

Saturday, May 25, 2002

The Geeks don't want no freaks...

Geek...a word commonly used to refer to someone who is goofy or silly and socially inept.

Correct Usage: Someone who bites the heads off of animals...usually chickens and usually in a circus.

ie: Ozzy Osbourne is such a geek

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

Axe not what your country can do for you. Axe how you can butcher the English language...

Axe:

1: A tool with a bladed, usually heavy head mounted crosswise on a handle, used for felling trees or chopping wood.
2: Any of various bladed, hand-held implements used as a cutting tool or weapon.
3: Informal. A sudden termination of employment: My colleague got the ax yesterday.
4: Slang. A musical instrument, especially a guitar.

Example of correct usage: Careful with that axe, Eugene.

Incorrect usage: Let me axe you a question

Thursday, May 30, 2002

And then there were idiots...

"Then" and "Than" do not mean the same things.
People, if you do not know the difference in the
two words, don't use them.

If you use them incorrectly, you THEN look more
foolish THAN if you had used them properly.

Next lesson: The three dueces

Friday, May 31, 2002

Deuces wild…

Very often people err in their usages of the deuces of English.
I refer, of course to the words “to”, “too”, and “two”. I am here
to aid you to crawl from out of the muck of ignorance. So,
pay attention.

Too: 1. Over; more than enough; -- noting excess
2. Likewise; also; in addition.
ie: You are TOO stupid to use this word correctly
Your penis is TOO small

TO: 1. The preposition to primarily indicates approach and arrival,motion made in the direction
of a place or thing and attaining it, access; and
also, motion or tendency without arrival;
movement toward
2. Hence, it indicates motion, course, or
tendency toward a time, a state or condition, an
aim, or anything capable of being regarded as a
limit to a tendency, movement, or action
3. In a very general way, and with innumerable
varieties of application, to connects transitive
verbs with their remoter or indirect object, and
adjectives, nouns, and neuter or passive verbs
with a following noun which limits their action.

ie: You are going TO go TO hell you big headed fat girl.
You are TO go TO the bathroom and flush yourself,
you shit head

TWO: 1: 2. The freakin number!! It’s what comes
after 1 and before 3.

ie: After ONE comes TWO.
TWO is the loneliest number, since the number 1.

Learn it. Live it. Love it. Use it correctly.
Don’t be stupid – try anyhow. But, above all, stop
using the wrong deuce!!

Next up: DISRESPECTING the VERB or VERB TRANSITIVE!

Sunday, June 02, 2002

Disrespecting the disrepectables:

Disrespect: Function: transitive verb ie: to have disrespect for

: lack of respect
- dis·re·spect·ful /-f&l/ adjective
- dis·re·spect·ful·ly /-f&-lE/ adverb
- dis·re·spect·ful·ness noun
1:He was being disrespectful
2:He was acting disrespectfully
3:The disrespectfulness with which he treated his English teacher was as bad as the disrespectful
way that people treat the English language.

You cannot disrespect someone. Learn the word before you use it, you churlish louts!! If you
don't know the words you should look them up! Don't be an asshole!

Next up: Prose and cons of poetry

Monday, June 03, 2002

The Bells of Rhyming or No one likes a lame rhyme scheme

In the azure pools that are the eyes of poetry
I have discovered something that troubles me
Too many people think that making rhymes
And using schemes that keep certain times
Makes a poet.

Well here I am to tell you honest and true
Your so-called poetry when you’re feeling blue
Is nothing more than a sophomoric attempt
To make us understand as you vent
But you suck

So, for future reference, when you write
Keep in mind that it’s stupid and trite
Not to mention, if you want to keep a buddy
Keep your crap locked away in the study
Actually, burn it

Thursday, June 06, 2002

Lazy Days...

Lackadaisical: Lacking spirit, liveliness, or interest; languid

Please note that the word is not spelled as follows: Laxadaisical...Lacksadaisical.

There is no AXE in lack - Learn to pronounce the word before you use it in public.

Next Up: The Nucular Family

Friday, June 07, 2002

Mono-nuculosis...

Nuclear - Pronounced; nu·cle·ar

There is no "U" between the "C" and the "L". Do not pronounce the word "nuc·U·lar". There is no such word as "nuc·U·lar". It does not exist. If you choose to use the non-word you shall be
chastised and berated. Also, you will be "outed" as a moron.

Next up: You are cordially invited to the Liars club

Wednesday, June 26, 2002

Gerunding out the verbs...

Gerund: In other languages, a verbal noun analogous to the Latin gerund, such as the
English form ending in -ing when used as a noun, as in singing in "We admired the choir's singing."

Remember, in school, when we all used to crow that we won't ever use this stuff, except in school? Well, this is one of the few pieces of knowledge that we will never use, except for when we learn what it is in school. And, ironically, I never heard anyone point out the uselessness of possessing this knowledge.

As for me, I had to make use of it, somehow.

Tuesday, July 23, 2002

Purposefully lazy...

Purposely...a contraction of purposefully. How fuckin lazy are we as a society? Say the whole word people.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

The Ebonic plague...

Whos sad assed idea was it to call ghetto slang a language? Not only is it stupid, but it is an insult to all of us who actually took the time to learn English. Anyone who promotes this gross misuse of English and wants it taught in schools is an asshole! Furthermore, that person must want to keep people down 'cause you won't succeed if your language is a bunch of ghetto slang that changes every fucking day. All of those so-called black leaders and left wing jackasses should be ashamed of themselves. You have to wonder if their agenda is to keep a whole group down, rather than to help them. What a bunch of fuckers!

Ebonix is a lie!!

Monday, November 11, 2002

I shot the Sheriff but there is no such thing as a depity...

Deputy...pronounced dep-ewe-tee

All of you assholes who keep saying "depitty" are morons. I hear people mispronouncing this word all of the time. If you can find the "I" in deputy you need to show it to me. Until such a time as it grows this mysterious "I" I will make fun of you and berate you for the asshole that you are.

Now, learn to speak and pronounce words properly or shut the fuck up.