Charles Bronson for Governor!!
Right now we have a ton of folks trying to be governor of California - all of them are the wrong person for the job. What California needs is a tough "take-no-prisoners" kind of governor. What California needs is for Charles Bronson to claw his way out of his coffin and run for governor.
Imagine it - Charles Bronson - Zombie Governor! He would be the coolest governor/zombie, ever! 'Cause, unlike all those slow moving zombies that you see in all the movies, he would carry a big assed .475 Magnum (like in Deathwish III) That way he wouldn't have to chase people in that slow foot dragging way that most zombies do. He could just shoot them and then shuffle up slowly and eat them in a liesurely fashion. (Zombies need to eat human flesh to stay "alive", you know)
His campaign slogan could be "Vote for me or I'll shoot and eat you!" Everyone would vote for him because they wouldn't want to be shot and eaten. He would win in a landslide! Ok, Diane Feinstein wouldn't vote for him. She would just vote no on the recall.
Then, when he got to Sacramento he could call Diane into his office and ask "Diiiiiid yooooo vooote for meeeeee ?" (Zombies talk like that - I don't know why) And she would say "No." And then he would shoot and eat her. She wouldn't taste good but he wouldn't care - he's a zombie - zombies don't care what people taste like.
And, when people were sentenced to death, he could just shoot and eat them! No more electric chair and no more burials. Just a good old fashioned bullet to the head followed by dinner.
And when he wanted to get new legislation passed - he would just tell the congressmen to vote for it - no arguing and no debates. Just pass the legislation or get shot and eaten. Think how efficient that would be!
Of course, those dumb asses would be stubborn and say shit like "You can't eat me!" Then - BANG - another dead congressman for dinner. Pretty soon, they would all mouth off and end up as food for Charles Bronson - Zombie Governor! He would be a fat and happy zombie governor who no one would fuck with. Why? 'Cause he would eat anyone who fucked with him! That's why.
Then, after he ate most of the people in the state congress he could run for president. No one would run against him because his campaign slogan would be "Run against me and I'll shoot and eat you!" He would win in another landslide 'cause everyone would vote for him.
Then, he could start eating the US Senators and Representatives who pissed him off. Pretty soon, all of our US congressmen would be eaten - except for Ted Kennedy. Ted would have to be sipped, slowly.
Go Chuck!
