Bastard's California Disaster Relief
In the event of raging fires:
If you built your home in the mountainous regions of Southern California that are known for wild fires, stop bitching about your home burning down. You knew what you got into when you got the place. You should have expected that your home would end up in flames, eventually. And no, the government should not give you aid.
Now, who is up for some smores?
In the event of a mud slide:
If you have a home built on the side of a hill and it rains really hard for several days, don't be surprised when your home slides down the hill it used to be on to lay in a crumpled heap of mud, stucco and wood. Every 2nd grader learns that dirt + water = mud. Really, it's a simple equation that you should remember - especially as a homeowner. And you should not expect any sympathy or help from the government.
Just clean up your mess and tell your children to enjoy the new sandbox that you "built" for them.
In the event of flooding:
If your home is located in an old riverbed, don't cry about your home being flooded or washed away by the tiny creek that the government wouldn't let you divert. Your home is - er, was - in a riverbed. Did you forget that the forces of nature don't care about property lines?
Time to buy a kayak.
In the event that your home is washed away by the ocean:
Remember that beach front property becomes beach yard property from time to time. Crying about your multi-million dollar home being destroyed and how you hope the government will help you overcome your personal tragedy only makes people hate you. If you aren't insured you deserve to suffer in a box under the freeway.
Stop crying, get your SCUBA gear and raise your sunken wreck.
In the event that ignore you barricades and drive your car into a raging river losing your 2 year-old child in the raging torrent:
You should get no sympathy after endangering the lives of two of your children. You should get no sympathy for death of your 2 year-old child. You should not expect to ever see your children ever again.
You should be prosecuted and locked up for child neglect, child endangerment and 2nd degree murder. And you should never be allowed to drive a vehicle or have children ever again. You are stupid beyond belief and deserve any and every terrible thing that ever happens to you.
Welcome to the support group, bitch.
