Any day now I expect Mattel to bring out a new line of reality toys so as to make money off of this craze of reality TV crap that is being foisted on the public. I thought I would get the jump on them so that I can sue them if they ever use any of the ideas floating in my head. So, without further adieu, here are my ideas for reality toys…
Introducing the all new Trailer Trash Barbie and friends!
Trailer trash Barbie: Trailer trash Barbie comes equipped with black leather pants, matching gold leather blouse and a diamond encrusted silver, plastic purse. Also, she is about 40 pounds overweight with huge fake tits and her own talentless TV crew that follows her around to catch every blathering she utters no matter how inane.
Out of the closet Ken: Ken comes with a pink wife beater shirt, too short, cut off denim shorts and black, plastic cowboy boots. He also sports a gold chain around his neck and a matching gold bracelet. Ken has no body hair whatsoever.
Long time companion Larry: Larry is graced with a graying beard and a khaki safari outfit suitable for roughing it in the bush of Australia. His pockets are filled with batteries, a miniature digital camcorder and a picture of Frankenfurter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Disapproving Dad: Ken finally gets a father. Dad is equipped with a constant 5 O’clock shadow and a 12 pack of brew that is permanently attached to his left hand. He is dressed casually in a dirty gray wife-beater shirt and dingy old blue jeans. He has a slight hunch a beer belly and a scowl.
I coulda done better Mama: Mama is fancifully dressed in gold horn rimmed glasses with a gold chain to keep them on her person. Her red jumpsuit matches winningly with her gold high heels and her gold cigarette holder.
Barbie's Graveyard: No reality toy would be complete without the graveyard where Barbie’s parents are buried. Comes complete with two headstones, a pissed off groundskeeper and plastic roses.
Coming, in time for Christmas!
