High Speed Car Chases are the Disease - I've Got the Cure!
A few days ago there was a car chase on TV. There were about twenty police cars after this idiot who was driving like a complete jackass. This guy was going through intersections and causing people to swerve to avoid him, causing near misses and endangering people everywhere that he went.
Now, the thing that pissed me off about it was that they broke away from regular programming to show this boring assed car chase. And really, car chases are really freakin' dull. They chase some moron through streets and across freeways for an hour until the guy finally blows out the engine or rolls the car. Then, they surround him, weapons drawn and, eventually, arrest him.
Meanwhile, the news, in an attempt to sound official, say that stupid things like "the suspect is alleged to have stolen the vehicle". Then say they go one to say more stupid shit like " the suspect is allegedly fleeing from the police after they tried to pull him over for speeding".
I have news for the media. That guy didn't "allegedly flee" he is fleeing. The vehicle wasn't "alleged stolen" it is stolen. By the way, you media twits, you don't have to call him a "suspect". That is a term that you use in a legal proceeding. It is not a term that the media has to use.
What you should be saying is "the idiot in the mini-van is fleeing in a stolen vehicle after the police tried to pull him over for a traffic violation". Stop adding extra words to sound so official - it makes you sound really stupid.
But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about a better way to end high speed chases. This idea is guaranteed to reduce the number of car chases, lessen property damage and lower the chances for civilian and police casualties. If this idea is employed there will be less money spent on court cases and possible lawsuits. And, it will make high speed car chases much more entertaining.
So, what is this idea? Apache Helicopters!
Oh, I know, you're wondering how Apache Helicopters are going to be of any help in a high speed car chase. We already have helicopters following them to direct the police, if needed, and to stay with the moron who is running.
Well, Apache helicopters come with a stunning array of weapons. They can carry up to 16 Hellfire laser designated missiles and are used primarily for the destruction of tanks, armored vehicles and other hard material targets. The Apache can also deliver 76, 2.75" folding fin aerial rockets for use against enemy personnel, light armor vehicles and other soft-skinned targets. And, to top it off, it has a 30mm Automatic gun and carries around 12,000 rounds of ammunition.
Now, imagine that you're watching you morning news program. They break away to show the local news broadcasting a high speed car chase. Some asshole won't stop because he has violated parole and doesn't want to get caught by the police.
Like a scene from out of a movie, an Apache helicopter comes in low out of the rising sun. Wagner is blasting out of the speakers mounted in the fore section of the helicopter. Suddenly, two sidewinder missiles are launched towards the fleeing vehicle. And then, in a flash of light, the vehicle is vaporized, leaving everyone to wonder who that guy was.
In another scenario; a rich tycoon is trying to outrun the police in his expensive, cherry red, Italian sports car. He gets into a clear area on the highway and guns it, leaving the police to wondering where he went.
Up ahead, in the distance, a drab green Apache Helicopter hovers, awaiting the arrival of its prey. And then, as the cherry red sports car comes into view, laser sites lock onto the vehicle and sidewinder missiles are fired.
The driver, seeing the oncoming missiles and knowing that he has no chance, screeches to a stop. He makes a break from his vehicle just in time to avoid the cherry red explosion. Unfortunately for him, the blast zone burns him to a crisp. No one can identify the body, but sports car enthusiast everywhere mourn the loss of the limited edition sports car built by Enzo Ferrari.
If this plan is employed, car chases would drop and be more entertaining all on one fell swoop! And, no one would sue the city for police brutality - they would be dead. On top of that, with the chase cut short, there would be far less damage to property and a much lower likelihood of injury to civilians or police.
Not only that, but we would get back to our regularly scheduled programming and I wouldn't be so put out. It's the perfect plan!
Apache Helicopters - not just for wars, anymore.
